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(Photo Credit: Korean Central News Agency)

PYONGYANG, North Korea (IG News) — The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea called upon the people of North Korea to “give up their thumbs for Supreme Leader Lil’ Kim Jong Un.”

“To be thumbless is glorious,“ said Pabo Ya, supreme general spokesperson of the Korean People’s Malnutrition Corps, “only wicked foreigners need opposable digits.”

“I’d give up anything to be a human bulwark or human shield,” gushed Juleum Popi, captain of the synchronized starvation club at the Kim Song-Il School for Young Revolutionaries, “then play in the Socialist Fairyland!”

“I support Lil’ Kim all the way,” said former United States Senator Richard John “Rick” Santorum, “the North Koreans really know how to prevent thumb-on-thumb sex.”

“Supreme Leader? I don’t think so, that would be me,” commented singer Diana Ross, “Set me free, why don’t you babe?”

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In other news, Lil’ Kim Jong Un announced his 2012 new year resolutions: (1) lose weight, (2) trade nukes for food, and (3) guest star on Glee.