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Fune Isono, mother of famed Japanese TV star Sazae-san, admitted Sunday that she was the rumored fifth mistress of golfer Tiger Woods.
“I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves,” said the mother of three children, “but Tiger is, well, a tiger in the futon. Woof-woof!”
“I have no comment,” said husband Namihei Isono, “but the reason you haven’t heard about Paris Hilton lately is ‘cuz I got ‘cher matsutake right here baby! Woo-hoo!” channeling Michael Jackson’s crotch-grabbing move.
Ponyo, the little fish girl who admitted Saturday she had an affair with Tiger Woods, cried “My friends said inter-species love wouldn’t work out and they were right. I’m now doing Nemo.”
“I’d do Tiger and twist his fundoshi into knots,” said the world’s oldest woman, 114-year-old Kama Chinen of Okinawa, Japan, “and I assert Hatoyama must review the Japan-US Security Treaty in light of post-Cold War reality.”
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In other news, hybrids grew to 9.7% of new automobile sales in November, while mutants increased to 23.7%.

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

sazaeUFO

Tarao “Tara-chan” Fuguta, the six-year-old boy feared to be aboard a flyaway dorayaki-shaped balloon, was found safe hiding in the attic of the Isono family home in the Asahigaoka area of Tokyo.

The tale of the “balloon boy” captivated and titillated Japanese audiences on an otherwise slow news day when no talento were arrested for drugs, naked dancing, or criminal lack of talent.

“Tara-chan,” one of the stars of the reality TV show, “Sazae-san,” got sick twice after blurting out “you said we did it for a show!” to his father, Masuo-niisan, when grilled by Tamori on a live broadcast of “Waratte Ii Tomo.”

The balloon boy’s mother, Sazae “Sazae-san” Fuguta, has confessed to the hoax, saying, “The network blames the show’s falling ratings on my sagging cartoon boobs. Even Masuo-niisan doesn’t want me like he used to. I was desperate for attention.”

The saga ended when the balloon crashed at Saga Airport and rescuers were shocked to find in the wreckage, not a little boy, but Crasher Squirrel, the long-forgotten internet meme, who commented, “This story should be about me, me, ME – I’m an internet meme, ha-hah-HAH!”

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In other news, fashion magazine Pinky announced it would suspend publication at yearend, stating, “Young women just aren’t interested in little fingers anymore.”

sazaeUFO

Tarao “Tara-chan” Fuguta, the six-year-old boy feared to be aboard a flyaway dorayaki-shaped balloon, was found safe hiding in the attic of the Isono family home in the Asahigaoka area of Tokyo.

The tale of the “balloon boy” captivated and titillated Japanese audiences on an otherwise slow news day when no talento were arrested for drugs, naked dancing, or criminal lack of talent.

“Tara-chan,” one of the stars of the reality TV show, “Sazae-san,” got sick twice after blurting out “you said we did it for a show!” to his father, Masuo-niisan, when grilled by Tamori on a live broadcast of “Waratte Ii Tomo.”

The balloon boy’s mother, Sazae “Sazae-san” Fuguta, has confessed to the hoax, saying, “The network blames the show’s falling ratings on my sagging cartoon boobs. Even Masuo-niisan doesn’t want me like he used to. I was desperate for attention.”

The saga ended when the balloon crashed at Saga Airport and rescuers were shocked to find in the wreckage, not a little boy, but Crasher Squirrel, the long-forgotten internet meme, who commented, “This story should be about me, me, ME – I’m an internet meme, ha-hah-HAH!”

# # #

In other news, fashion magazine Pinky announced it would suspend publication at yearend, stating, “Young women just aren’t interested in little fingers anymore.”