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Tag Archives: politicians

SHIBA, Japan (IG News) — The Democratic Party of Japan announced a new subsidy for puppies following a stunning repudiation by Japanese voters yesterday.

“Everybody loves puppies and everybody loves subsidies,” said prime minister Naoto “Can-Can” Kan, “just don’t tell people it’s their tax money to begin with and they’ll fall for it.”

Kawaii! I love puppies! Free money?! I love free money!” cackled Henna Obasan, who previously supported the Liberal Democrat Old Farts, “DPJ’s got my vote! Bwah-hah-ha!”

DPJ candidate Shiro the White Softbank Dog failed in his bid for election, losing to internet celebrity Pedo-Bear.

In conceding defeat, Shiro the White Softbank Dog scoffed at allegations of infidelity and interspecies sex, commenting, “Hey, all men are dogs.”

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In other news, star of The Cove says video shows cruelty to Octopus Paul.

Plaistre du Paris (IG News) — Public health authorities announced today the deadly CosPlay virus, variant R2D2, has spread to continental Europe, with four confirmed infections in France.

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In other news, Kimba the White Lion, Sazae-san, and train gropers lose erections in Japan.

TOKYO (IG News) — A new party to be formed Saturday by veteran politicians defecting from the Liberal Democratic Party and an independent lawmaker will be named Koheto Nippon, which literally means “Old Fart Party of Japan” in English.

The new party’s initial goal is to “make sure the ruling coalition parties do not attain a majority [of farts] in the House of Councillors election” this summer so that the opposition parties can control the flatulence of the upper house, resulting in a situation in which one side controls the lower chamber of the Diet and the other side the upper chamber of the nation’s political rectum.

Response by Japanese voters to yet another political party was swift on Twitter.

“Old farts cut the cheese in the first place! We need new farts なう! Yes, we can!” tweeted Arafo Konkatsu, letting loose with a silent but deadly onara, incapacitating thousands of evening commuters on the Chiyoda subway.

Tokyo governor Shintaro “Twitchy” Ishihara, who named the new Tachiagare Nippon Party, denied rumors that he named the Koheto Nippon Party, as well as the Dodemo Ii Party or “Who gives a shit?” party.

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In other news, millions of Japanese are rushing to buy the limited edition Koheto Nippon t-shirt here.

TOKYO (IG News) — A new party to be formed Saturday by veteran politicians defecting from the Liberal Democratic Party and an independent lawmaker will be named Koheto Nippon, which literally means “Old Fart Party of Japan” in English.

The new party’s initial goal is to “make sure the ruling coalition parties do not attain a majority [of farts] in the House of Councillors election” this summer so that the opposition parties can control the flatulence of the upper house, resulting in a situation in which one side controls the lower chamber of the Diet and the other side the upper chamber of the nation’s political rectum.

Response by Japanese voters to yet another political party was swift on Twitter.

“Old farts cut the cheese in the first place! We need new farts なう! Yes, we can!” tweeted Arafo Konkatsu, letting loose with a silent but deadly onara, incapacitating thousands of evening commuters on the Chiyoda subway.

Tokyo governor Shintaro “Twitchy” Ishihara, who named the new Tachiagare Nippon Party, denied rumors that he named the Koheto Nippon Party, as well as the Dodemo Ii Party or “Who gives a shit?” party.

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In other news, millions of Japanese are rushing to buy the limited edition Koheto Nippon t-shirt here.

TOKYO (IG News) — Five former members of the Liberal Democratic Old Farts Party have launched a new political party in Japan called 「たちあがれ日本」or the “Get It Up, Japan!” Party.

“It’s time for Japan to get it up again,” said Takeo “Droopy” Hiranuma turgidly, “it’s been too long since we’ve had a tumescent Japan.”

“Japan must stand erect,” stated former Finance Minister Kaoru “Yes, it’s my real hair!” Yosano swellingly, “the rigidity of the Japanese spirit amongst our members shall rise once again.”

“Let me be clear, it will be a long and hard ride,” intoned Prime Minister Yukio “Bird” Hatoyama tumidly, “this is not the time to distend and engorge ourselves with orotund language.”

“No more excuses,” panted Perky Oppai, chairperson of the Obasan Just Want to Have Fun Party, “Japan, just get it up already!”

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In other news, (^o^)/(⌒0⌒)/~~


US President Barack Obama meets Japan Prime Minister Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama at The @invisiblegaijin Official Residence in Tokyo, Japan for discussions regarding the Japan-US Security Treaty, the relocation of Futenma Air Station, and whether Michael Jackson peaked creatively at “Off the Wall” or “Thiller.”
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In other news, Spiderman was arrested yesterday in Hollywood, California. http://bit.ly/hGwEW

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

YoungMrMrsHatoyamaSquirrel

Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama, leader of the Democratic Party of Japan, which swept to a landslide victory in today’s elections in Japan, has been implicated in a love triangle with an internet meme known only as “Crasher Squirrel.”

Sources close to the DPJ leader confirm the existence of photographs dating back decades that show Hatoyama, his wife, and an unidentified member of genera Sciurus Photointerruptus.

Taro “Dick” Aso, the soon-to-be-demonized-as-a-loser leader of the former ruling Liberal Democrat Party, commented, “hell, now I’ve got time to read all those manga I’ve been missing,” somewhat incongruously since the question was about the frequency of his erections.

Cute-but-dumber-than-all-hell TV announcer, Perky Oppai, commented, “Kawaii! Hatoyama-san looks like constipated Hello Kitty!”

McDonalds Japan spokes-gaijin, Mr. James, gushed, 「ハトヤマサンビッグマックミタイニスゴイネ!」。

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In other news, ignorantly stupid Americans shout down their mothers at town hall meeting about health care reform.

Picture 1

Japanese media has been fanning the flames of panic in its breathless, melodramatic, musically-enhanced coverage of the “battle at the borders” against H1H1 Novel Influenza.

Since the first cases of H1N1 infections were detected in Japan, however, the number of people confirmed with H1N1 infection has skyrocketed, shattering the media-perpetuated myth that “it’s an overseas disease” and that somehow the disease could be “stopped at Japan’s borders.”

So, naturally, the administration of Prime Minister Taro “Dick” Aso launched an “important” public service announcement trying to calm the populace down. 

Contradicting itself repeatedly, the PSAs basically tell the public, “the sky is falling!” but “don’t panic!” 

* Don’t relax your guard against infection! If treated early, there’s nothing to fear!

* Don’t worry! Your government has stockpiled Tamiflu for 38 million people!

* If you become symptomatic with high fever and coughs, don’t go to a hospital! Call the H1N1 Fever Hotline in your neighborhood first!

Let’s hope that those suffering from ostracism, the “blame game” (and H1N1 influenza) recover quickly.

Let’s be angry at cynical TV networks that will clearly do anything, including inducing a panic, to increase their pitiful ratings. Bastards.

Let’s laugh at stupid politicians who try to “look presidential” but end up looking dorky and making things worse.

For those with a sense of humor, here’s a link to the PSA, with English subtitles added for better comprehension.

Picture 1

Japanese media has been fanning the flames of panic in its breathless, melodramatic, musically-enhanced coverage of the “battle at the borders” against H1H1 Novel Influenza.

Since the first cases of H1N1 infections were detected in Japan, however, the number of people confirmed with H1N1 infection has skyrocketed, shattering the media-perpetuated myth that “it’s an overseas disease” and that somehow the disease could be “stopped at Japan’s borders.”

So, naturally, the administration of Prime Minister Taro “Dick” Aso launched an “important” public service announcement trying to calm the populace down. 

Contradicting itself repeatedly, the PSAs basically tell the public, “the sky is falling!” but “don’t panic!” 

* Don’t relax your guard against infection! If treated early, there’s nothing to fear!

* Don’t worry! Your government has stockpiled Tamiflu for 38 million people!

* If you become symptomatic with high fever and coughs, don’t go to a hospital! Call the H1N1 Fever Hotline in your neighborhood first!

Let’s hope that those suffering from ostracism, the “blame game” (and H1N1 influenza) recover quickly.

Let’s be angry at cynical TV networks that will clearly do anything, including inducing a panic, to increase their pitiful ratings. Bastards.

Let’s laugh at stupid politicians who try to “look presidential” but end up looking dorky and making things worse.

For those with a sense of humor, here’s a link to the PSA, with English subtitles added for better comprehension.