SHIBA, Japan (IG News) — The Democratic Party of Japan announced a new subsidy for puppies following a stunning repudiation by Japanese voters yesterday.
“Everybody loves puppies and everybody loves subsidies,” said prime minister Naoto “Can-Can” Kan, “just don’t tell people it’s their tax money to begin with and they’ll fall for it.”
“Kawaii! I love puppies! Free money?! I love free money!” cackled Henna Obasan, who previously supported the Liberal Democrat Old Farts, “DPJ’s got my vote! Bwah-hah-ha!”
DPJ candidate Shiro the White Softbank Dog failed in his bid for election, losing to internet celebrity Pedo-Bear.
In conceding defeat, Shiro the White Softbank Dog scoffed at allegations of infidelity and interspecies sex, commenting, “Hey, all men are dogs.”
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In other news, star of The Cove says video shows cruelty to Octopus Paul.