(Photo Credit: Mainichi)
OMOSHIROKUNEI, Japan (IG News) — Scientists are unable to explain the psychic abilities of Bibi, a beagle living in a rural area of Japan, who predicted “multiple core meltdowns, corporate coverups, and incompetent emergency response” a month before the Fukushima nuclear event.
“Prime Minister Naoto Kan’s cabinet will not last another 90 days,” panted Bibi through her owner, noted natto sculptor Inchiki Kana, who has mind-melded with the dog since it was a puppy, “and you will feed me using a red plastic bowl, then take me for a walk.”
“We are at a loss to explain how a beagle can predict the future with such astounding accuracy,” said Kekko Kamaboko, chief scientist at TEPCO, “she’s more accurate than our reactor meltdown simulations!”
“Ichiro Ozawa won’t go to jail,” woofed Bibi, “and Sarah Palin won’t win the presidency, just split the anti-Obama vote.”
When asked about the future of humanity, Bibi howled mournfully, “You are all going to die, leaving only regrets over unrealized ambition.”
In other news, New York passes gay marriage law, requires all marriages to be “happy and carefree.”