Kanye West, Joe Wilson, Crasher Squirrel, and Serena Williams interrupted Noriko Sakai’s “gomennasai” press conference, which then erupted into chaos.
Released on bail, Sakai began her carefully scripted, tearful, and heartfelt apology, confession of guilt, and acceptance of blame for all things wrong in Japanese society today, “Gomennasai, I’m druggie, loser, bad mother, estranged wife of a self-proclaimed-surfer, tenant of a shabby beach house in Chiba, my boobs aren’t real, and I could never really sing all that great.”
Rapper Kanye West jumped on stage, grabbed the microphone, and shouted, “Yo Noriko, really happy about your release and Imma let you finish but Oshio Manabu had the best drugs arrest this year!”
U.S. Representative Joe Wilson looking outraged and constipated said, “うそつき！” stuck out his tongue, and then ran home to mommy.
Crasher Squirrel, struggling to regain relevance since his 15 minutes of fame are up, said, “I rode the UFO with First Lady Miyuki Hatoyama and Tom Cruise! I have a copy of President Obama’s birth certificate – he’s a squirrel! My nuts are humongous!”
Serena Williams, “Hey Squirrel, if I could, I would take this f—k ball and shove it down your f—k throat! And then crack your nuts with my biceps!”
Japan’s news media, unable to comprehend this deviation from the script, erupted into chaos and forgot to report on the first day of Prime Minister Yukio “the Bird” Hatoyama’s administration, which will determine whether Japan regains its economic footing and global standing, or plunges straight into hell.
(special credit to @aragoto for the Kanye West quote)
# # #