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Tag Archives: gaijin

TOKYO (IG News) — Former manga and anime star Atomu “Tom” Tetsuwan was arrested today on suspicion of impersonating a Catholic priest at the entrance ceremony of the Gakushuin Primary School.

“I’m innocent,” said the robot, more popularly known in Hollywood as Astro Boy, “Why can’t you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone.”

In a surprise appearance at the arraignment, Pope “Eggs” Benedict encouraged Astro Boy to have “the courage of not allowing oneself to be intimidated by the petty gossip of dominant opinion” and then patted him on his cute little metallic ass.

Officials of the Gakushuin Primary School denied allegations that Astro Boy was involved in the alleged “rough behavior” that frightened Princess “Love Child” of the Imperial Family.

Issei “No Don!” Bakamura, Grandmaster Flash of Crown Prince Naruhodo’s household, said the 8-year-old princess suffered from anxiety and stomach problems after seeing that Astro Boy was not designed in an anatomically correct manner.

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In other news, @politicomix’s “Kobe Chicken” shirt is this season’s hottest fashion item in Tokyo – buy yours at http://bit.ly/aPXiL0

TOKYO (IG News) — A new catchphrase, “Japan. Endless Discovery.”, designed to woo more foreign tourists to Japan was unveiled by Minister of Tourism Seiji “Yokoso!” Maehara.

“We want to let people know how good tourism in Japan is,” said Maehara, “and that’s why we are also introducing this list of “Top Ten Tourist Discoveries in Japan.”

  1. Geisha look like your grandmother, not Zhang Ziyi.
  2. Public restrooms can be spotless or filthy but either way there’s no hand soap.
  3. Real Otaku are kind of creepy.
  4. O-genki desu ka” is not a commonly used greeting, except among tourists.
  5. Akihabara maids are the new Ginza hostesses, highly skilled in the art of separating men from their money.
  6. “Lost in Translation” actually means “functionally illiterate.”
  7. Demonstrating one’s martial arts skills is a good way to get your ass kicked.
  8. You lack the core strength needed to use Japanese squat toilets.
  9. “Live” is not necessarily better than “raw” fish.
  10. All the Japanese gifts you can afford to buy are made in China.

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In other news, tourists have been banned from the Tsukiji Fish Market again for “touching the tuna,” which is not be confused with “slapping the monkey.”

(Photo: Mainichi Daily News)

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

On a recent trip to Hokkaido, IG was struck not only by the culturally specific ironic dissonance of the message “please flush toilet paper after use in the water” but also the culturally specific need to translate that message into Chinese and Korean but not Spanish, English, French, German, Italian, Martian, etc.
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In other news, Toyota President Toyoda apologized with only a ‘slight’ bow to the frenzied onanism of Japanese and non-Japanese media hoping to spark controversy. White House sources stated President Obama jived, “ain’t no big thing.”

On a recent trip to Hokkaido, IG was struck not only by the culturally specific ironic dissonance of the message “please flush toilet paper after use in the water” but also the culturally specific need to translate that message into Chinese and Korean but not Spanish, English, French, German, Italian, Martian, etc.
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In other news, Toyota President Toyoda apologized with only a ‘slight’ bow to the frenzied onanism of Japanese and non-Japanese media hoping to spark controversy. White House sources stated President Obama jived, “ain’t no big thing.”

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

(Photo: Shinto Shrine Maidens preparing to be sacrificed at the annual “Tiger Woods’ Woodie Juice” matsuri festival in Ookii Chinpoko, Kintama Prefecture.)

JAPAN (IG News)–Pocari Sweat, famed for being named after a bodily coolant, launched a new line of sexual energy drinks inspired by Tiger Woods and tag-lined “Is it on you?” in a nod to Japanese facial preferences.

Coca-Cola Japan, purveyor of the finest addictive beverages, counter-attacked  December 7th, a day that shall live in infamy, with Coke(tm) Lobotomy Lube(R) in a Facebook-cloned social media campaign called “Remember Red Pearl Necklaces!”

“I scream, you scream, we all es cream for Tiger Woods’ Woodie Juice,” gushed Shrine Maidens Perky Oppai and Shirigaru Onna, who then whined gutturally in their best moe voices, “Onii-chan (older brother) please touch me nau \{>v<};/<< orz<3 >> EOT.”

Dancing ST-HO @TandyChews BIMHO commented “Once Otaku, Never Bakufu” channeling Chushingura, the epic tale of futile revenge in a blaze of glory ending in ritual group suicide in Nippon.

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In other news, Sexy Girls in the Crowd Go Wild.


2009’s kanji 新 (shin) or “new” + Hatoyama’s 絆 (kizuna) or “relationship” =「新絆」or “new relationships” as in Tiger Woods.

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

2009’s kanji 新 (shin) or “new” + Hatoyama’s 絆 (kizuna) or “relationship” =「新絆」or “new relationships” as in Tiger Woods.