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IG News (Tokyo) — Millions of Japanese fans were delighted to discover today that owning a new iPhone 4 makes their dicks bigger.

Sugoi! My dick is three times bigger than before!,” said self-professed fanboy Moe Kyun, “it’s at least 96 points and much more legible now!”

Apple Japan spokesperson Perky Oppai said, “if you’ve bought an iPhone 4 and your dick isn’t getting bigger, you’re not holding it right.”

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“Wrong you are holding it” – Yoda, teaching Luke Skywalker the Jedi iPhone 4 antenna trick. (hat tip to @tyler928)

CUPERTINO, California (IG News) — Apple announced today that it was removing the popular “Miki Ando’s Cross and Cleavage Costume” app from the iTunes App Store.

Philip “Da Prude” Schiller, head of worldwide product marketing at Apple, said, “We obviously care about dirty old men’s fantasies about Japanese figure skaters but in the end we have to put the needs of the kids and parents first.”

“We were getting customer complaints from women who found the costume too degrading and objectionable, as well as wives who were upset with what their husbands were able to see on mobile devices,” Mr. Schiller said.

“Ridiculous! Mikitty’s costume is not stimulating my prurient interest,” said Oyaji Sukebe, head of the Federation of Japanese Old Farts, “I do that with my hands.”

Pope “Eggs” Benedict XVI, the 265th and reigning Pope, by virtue of his office of Bishop of Rome, the head of the Catholic Church and Sovereign of the Vatican City State, said, “In oppai veritas.”

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In other news, South Korea called off an invasion of Japan after Kim Yu-na’s short program performance placed her in first place ahead of Japanese figure skater Asada Mao.

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

CUPERTINO, California (IG News) — Apple announced today that it was removing the popular “Miki Ando’s Cross and Cleavage Costume” app from the iTunes App Store.

Philip “Da Prude” Schiller, head of worldwide product marketing at Apple, said, “We obviously care about dirty old men’s fantasies about Japanese figure skaters but in the end we have to put the needs of the kids and parents first.”

“We were getting customer complaints from women who found the costume too degrading and objectionable, as well as wives who were upset with what their husbands were able to see on mobile devices,” Mr. Schiller said.

“Ridiculous! Mikitty’s costume is not stimulating my prurient interest,” said Oyaji Sukebe, head of the Federation of Japanese Old Farts, “I do that with my hands.”

Pope “Eggs” Benedict XVI, the 265th and reigning Pope, by virtue of his office of Bishop of Rome, the head of the Catholic Church and Sovereign of the Vatican City State, said, “In oppai veritas.”

# # #

In other news, South Korea called off an invasion of Japan after Kim Yu-na’s short program performance placed her in first place ahead of Japanese figure skater Asada Mao.