(Photo credit: Mainichi)
KYOTO, Japan (IG News) — Chahan Omori, chief priest of Yogoremizu Temple in Kyoto’s Higashi-Sonomamayama Ward, writes the kanji character for “bakayaro” (“TEPCO bites the big one”), which was chosen as the kanji character of the year, during an annual ceremony at the temple on Dec. 12.
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In other news,
@TEPCO_CEO denies rumors that dangerous levels of rice have been discovered in TEPCO cesium.
BEIJING (IG News) — Millions of young Chinese women are clamoring to wear Ugg-Li boots, this season’s hottest fashion trend.
“I love my Ugg-Li boots, they’re so cool, they’re hot,” said noted Beijing fashionista, Feicheng Buhao, “I predict this will be hotter than bowl cut bangs and eyeglasses with no lenses!”
Ugg-Li, a joint venture of Australia’s Ugg Boots Pty Ltd and China’s Gei Li Enterprises, launched the boots when a miscommunication resulted in the original Ugg design being manufactured inside-out.
“When life hands you wombats, make koalas, as we say down under,” commented Pavlova Lammington, chief designer at Ugg, “Ugg-Li boots are today’s to-die-for fashion item.”
“Next, we will launch in world markets,” said Gei Li CEO Dadong Kaoya, “Ugg-Li boots are going to be the next big Chinese export following the global success of ‘made by China’ high-speed rail controllers!”
In other news, Air China announced today “the probability of interesting in-flight video is inversely proportional to the length of delay before boarding.”
(Photo Credit: China Daily)
BEIJING, China (IG News) — The Zombie Party of China (ZPC) elected today Jiang Zemin as its general secretary and president.
“Death is wasted on the dead,” proclaimed Jiang to cheers from millions of zombies gathered at the Wangfujing McDonalds, “and reports of my death are greatly exaggerated with Chinese characteristics.”
Popularly known as “Uncle Jiangshi,” Jiang explained the ZPC’s political vision, “Reviewing the course of zombie struggle and the basic experience over the past 80 years and looking ahead to the arduous tasks and bright future in the new century, our Party should continue to stand in the forefront of the times and lead the zombie in marching toward victory. In a word, the Party must always represent the requirements of the development of China’s advanced zombie productive forces, the orientation of the development of China’s advanced zombie culture, and the fundamental interests of the overwhelming majority of the zombie in China.”
ZPC spokesperson Ting Budong declined to comment on rumors of that Ichiro Ozawa and Yukio Hatoyama were planning to launch the Zombie Party of Japan (ZPJ).
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In other news, Japan upsets Germany at Women’s World Cup but both countries pledge to “remain BFF.”
(Photo Credit: Mainichi)
TACHI-SHOMBEN, Japan (IG News) — Millions of children squealed with delight as the Japanese pool-peeing season kicked off today across the nation.
“Ah, kimochiii!,” exclaimed elementary school student Oshikko Daisuki, “Ain’t nothing like the first pee of the season! I’ve been holding back for a week!”
The Japanese tradition of peeing in pools began in the Heian period (794 to 1185), as noted in Murasaki Shikibu’s classic novel, The Tale of Genji.
“Oh, Prince Genji, your honorable urination is redolent of wisteria blossoms wafting down from the heavens, and indeed its warmth is that of the early morning sun!”
Officials at TEPCO, operator of the containment-challenged Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant, denied allegations that American-made robots were peeing in pools used to cool spent fuel rods.
“Categorically untrue,” said TEPCO spokesperson Perky Oppai, “we have elderly volunteers who do that.”
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In other news, former China president Jiang Zemin announced today, “Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated with Chinese characteristics.”
(Photo Credit: Mainichi)
OMOSHIROKUNEI, Japan (IG News) — Scientists are unable to explain the psychic abilities of Bibi, a beagle living in a rural area of Japan, who predicted “multiple core meltdowns, corporate coverups, and incompetent emergency response” a month before the Fukushima nuclear event.
“Prime Minister Naoto Kan’s cabinet will not last another 90 days,” panted Bibi through her owner, noted natto sculptor Inchiki Kana, who has mind-melded with the dog since it was a puppy, “and you will feed me using a red plastic bowl, then take me for a walk.”
“We are at a loss to explain how a beagle can predict the future with such astounding accuracy,” said Kekko Kamaboko, chief scientist at TEPCO, “she’s more accurate than our reactor meltdown simulations!”
“Ichiro Ozawa won’t go to jail,” woofed Bibi, “and Sarah Palin won’t win the presidency, just split the anti-Obama vote.”
When asked about the future of humanity, Bibi howled mournfully, “You are all going to die, leaving only regrets over unrealized ambition.”
In other news, New York passes gay marriage law, requires all marriages to be “happy and carefree.”