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BEIJING (IG News) — Three foreign women were found frozen solid today outside a down jacket store in the Chaoyang district of Beijing.”Beijing is very cold and dry this time of year,” commented Hěn Lěng, chief of the frozen foreigner registration section of the public security bureau, “it is important to dress properly, carry your passport and work permit at all times, and smile warmly to ward off the cold.”

“Wow, what kind of whitening products do they use?” exclaimed local shopkeeper Bù Piàoliang, “I wish I could achieve an unattainable standard of beauty imposed upon Chinese women by culturally imperialistic advertising!”

“I don’t know but I’ve been told foreign frozen women’s toes are mighty cold,” commented US military attache Case Samsonite, “Hup-two-three-four, hep-two-three-four.”

“China invented frozen women during the Qing Dynasty,” noted Jīntiān Dàfēng, president of the Patriotic Frozen Women Federation of China, “This is yet another example of the rest of the world catching up to China.”

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In other news, Barack Obama and Hu Jintao agreed today to exchange recipes for Kung Pao Chicken.

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