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IG News (Beijing) – China tested its first stealth flatus today at a secret testing facility in Beijing.

“China’s stealth flatus is rumored be silent but deadly,” noted Onara Kusai, director at the Japan Institute for Gaseous Research, “This development will surely raise a big stink not only with the Americans, but across Asia.”

“These developments have potential to put some of our capabilities at risk,” cautioned U.S. Secretary of Defense Roberto “Open the Flood” Gates, “We have to pay attention to them, we have to respond appropriately with our own programs.”

“Why, Chinese mothers are superior,” said author Amy Chuabaka, “Their children are not only fartistes but also can also play the violin beautifully.”

“Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart,” commented TV celebrity Bart Simpson, “the more you eat, the more you Bart.”

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