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TOKYO (IG News) — Police arrested 77 chikan train gropers during a one week campaign in greater Tokyo in mid-April and 29 of the 77 were found to be repeat offenders.

“What a bunch of dicks,” said Tokyo Metropolitan Police spokesperson Chikan Shineh, “Who would be stupid enough to molest women on trains during a highly publicized police campaign?”

Fans of the Saikyo and JR Chuo lines were thrilled their favorite chikan-densha were once again tied for the top place in number of arrestees at six pathetic-losers-who-should-be-shot each.

Ureshiidayo! I’m so happy! I ride the Saikyo every day, if you get my drift?” said Chinko “Willy” Atama as he winked-winked and nudge-nudged feverishly, “The Saikyo is like a conveyor belt sushi place for perverts and creeps.”

In a surprise move, the Mayor of Taiji City, Iruka Kuwanei, confirmed rumors that the city’s dolphin fishermen would now use eco-friendly fishhooks baited with live chikan train gropers.

“Dolphins love chikan, they go wild!” said Kuwanei, “we love it when dolphin cackle, ‘who’s your daddy now?’ before they bite!”

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In other news, Google launches new search UI, resulting in billions of searches for “What is UI?”


  1. strangely enough, this one reads like straight journalism aside from the names.
    Hmmm…I was wondering has the Notorious one gone middle of the road???
    guess I’ve been living here too long. (-:

  2. when you have such a big population as Tokyo does (13m),you’re bound to have some chikan like this

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