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Fune Isono, mother of famed Japanese TV star Sazae-san, admitted Sunday that she was the rumored fifth mistress of golfer Tiger Woods.
“I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves,” said the mother of three children, “but Tiger is, well, a tiger in the futon. Woof-woof!”
“I have no comment,” said husband Namihei Isono, “but the reason you haven’t heard about Paris Hilton lately is ‘cuz I got ‘cher matsutake right here baby! Woo-hoo!” channeling Michael Jackson’s crotch-grabbing move.
Ponyo, the little fish girl who admitted Saturday she had an affair with Tiger Woods, cried “My friends said inter-species love wouldn’t work out and they were right. I’m now doing Nemo.”
“I’d do Tiger and twist his fundoshi into knots,” said the world’s oldest woman, 114-year-old Kama Chinen of Okinawa, Japan, “and I assert Hatoyama must review the Japan-US Security Treaty in light of post-Cold War reality.”
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In other news, hybrids grew to 9.7% of new automobile sales in November, while mutants increased to 23.7%.

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

3 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Brendan McManus and JobShoots, JobShoots. JobShoots said: Exclusive: Tiger Woods’ Fifth Mistress Comes Forward #news #socialmedia […]

  2. […] Last week, Woods issued a statement saying he had let his family down with unspecified “transgressions with Japanese animated characters […]

  3. […] other news, Tiger Woods announced his own economic stimulus program and began pumping millions of dollars in hush money […]

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