Skip navigation has learned the United States deployed a top secret weapons platform in Afghanistan, the long-rumored “SANTA” system.

Capable of omniscient surveillance, instantaneous global deployment, and unlimited payload capacity, SANTA is allegedly powered by a red-nosed reindeer code-named RUDOLF.

“SANTA is the holy grail of non-lethal anti-terror weapons,” explained self-proclaimed “pro surfer” and defense analyst, Zenbu Usoda, “once deployed, it causes insatiable demand for Zhu Zhu Pets, spreading panic and overwhelming the communications and distribution infrastructure of the enemy.”

“We can neither confirm nor deny the existence of the SANTA weapon,” stated Pentagon spokesperson, Colonel Blowin “Smoke” Outtamyass, “The question that America’s enemies must answer is ‘have you been bad or good?’”

Japanese Prime Minister Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama denied rumors of secret agreements that allow US Forces to base the SANTA weapon at Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa commenting, “I can’t even make up my mind about Futenma Air Station! Mommy!”

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In other news, Japanese government survey shows that 63% of Japanese in their 20s believe “Children aren’t necessary.” 99.7% of their Parents: “We agree.”

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

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  1. By uberVU - social comments on 06 Dec 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by WalesSMjobs: Exclusive: Secret US Weapon Deployed in Afghanistan #socialmedia #news…

  2. By Japundit on 06 Dec 2009 at 6:36 pm

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  3. […] known as The Yu-na Phish Sandwiches, declared, “Corea, yo mama is onara! We are releasing our secret weapon!” , – 、==≦  ̄`丶、_ /  ∠ニ=X´  `ヽ  ヾヤ、 〃  […]

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