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The Government of Japan announced today a new 2.7 trillion yen jobs program, “Santa’s Coming to Town,” as part of its economic stimulus package.
“With cutbacks in the Bridges to Nowhere program, the number of flashlight-waving jobs has declined sharply,” said Ministry of Finance spokesperson, Dou Kechi, “thus we are spending 2.7 trillion yen to put millions of Japanese back to work as Santa Ojisan.”
“I like the fur-trimmed red suit,” chirped Perky Oppai, who was recently laid off from her job as a Cosplay Ear Cleaner aidoru, “and the white beard means I don’t have to wear make-up on the bottom half of my face! I think it makes my eyes look bigger.”
JR East is hiring 25,000 “Anti-Groper Santa” to pack even more people into already over-crowded rush hour trains. “Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good,” said JR East chief Oshiri Sawaruna, “and women of all ages like sitting on his lap.”
New York Times Magazine contributor Pisa Mangoyama denied allegations of pandering to racial stereotypes with the headline, “Wacky Yellow Monkey Otaku Marries 2-D Santa Sex Pillow.”
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In other news, Japanese golf sensation, Ryo Ishikawa, denied allegations he backed his car into a koban police box in an attempt to emulate his hero Tiger Woods.

Posted via email from invisiblegaijin

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  2. By Twitted by tokyodonkey on 08 Dec 2009 at 11:57 am

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