The Japanese government today announced that Japan’s economy was just having a “mild and temporal deflation” and, no worries, would definitely perform turgidly after a good night’s sleep and a Viagra.
Government spokesperson, Unko Tappuri, busted loose and gushed, “Prices are going down, so now consumers save more by buying more! Whooya! Your Government never lies!”
Nichigin (Bank of Japan) spokesperson, Cho Jijiikusai, intoned solemnly, “waga nihon no economy is picking up so go into debt now – at today’s low rate, you can’t afford not to!”
The Japanese people, including the Gaijin who live here permanently like it or not, rose as one in protest and, invoking Joe Wilson, spoke in one voice, “YOU LIE!” Then proceeded to hang all politico-bastards and bureaucratic eunuchs, trash the Imperial Palace but not the Emperor, and hold their breath until their faces turned blue.
As Japan slipped back into the chaotic anarchy of the Warring States period circa the mid-15th century to mid-17th century, the Democratic Party of Japan delivered on its “manifesto” promise of per-child cash subsidiaries with the bonus act of legalizing polygamy for men over 60 and women under 30 only.
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In other news, Hello Kitty denied allegations she had undergone mouth restoration surgery, emphatically mumbling, “umm, nhm, gnrmn!!!”