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Groups of predatory “meat-eating obasan” (nikushoku obasan) are using Twitter to organize “groping parties” (chikan pa-ti-) to terrorize “herbivore men” (soshoku otoko) on train lines in Tokyo, Japan.

Self-proclaimed “herbivore male” Hiki Komori said, “A group of obasan surrounded me, put their hands into my Doraemon underpants, and started slapping my monkey. I don’t even like to think about sex. I just want to bake herb bread at home.”

“Most young men today have no konjo, you know, balls, no, um, they lack the courage to speak out,” said self-proclaimed “leader of the pack” of the Tokyo Chikan-Obasan Federation, Koi Waisetsu, “Thus, it’s not a public nuisance and thus not against the law. And you know they like it.”

Self-proclaimed expert on things obasan, Jo-ji Saruno, “It’s not about slapping monkeys. It’s about power, domination, and repressed desire for Bae Yong Joon. Okay, it is about slapping monkeys.”

National Police Agency spokesman, Omaru Omawari, “I pay money every week in Kabukicho for obasan to slap my monkey, what’s your point?”

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In other news, Prime Minister Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama announced, “We have ordered a formal investigation into allegations that secret treaties between the United States and Japan allowed the manufacture, possession, and use of atomic monkey slappers.”

One Comment

  1. Oh…they are out there….they are slapping….monkey….s


3 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. […] Chikan Obasan Slap the Monkey « InvisibleGaijin invisiblegaijin.com/2009/09/19/chikan-obasan-slap-the-monkeys – view page – cached Groups of predatory “meat-eating obasan” (nikushoku obasan) are using Twitter to organize “groping parties” (chikan pa-ti-) to terrorize “herbivore men” (soshoku otoko) on train lines in Tokyo, Japan. — From the page […]

  2. […] feline-only cars during rush hour but that failed because they just attracted train gropers and chikan obasan,” said Minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism Sugu Amakudari, “so we decided […]

  3. […] In other news, tourist have been banned from the Tsukiji Fish Market again for “touching the tuna,” which is not be confused with “slapping the monkey.” […]

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