(Photo: Shinto Shrine Maidens preparing to be sacrificed at the annual “Tiger Woods’ Woodie Juice” matsuri festival in Ookii Chinpoko, Kintama Prefecture.)
JAPAN (IG News)–Pocari Sweat, famed for being named after a bodily coolant, launched a new line of sexual energy drinks inspired by Tiger Woods and tag-lined “Is it on you?” in a nod to Japanese facial preferences.
Coca-Cola Japan, purveyor of the finest addictive beverages, counter-attacked December 7th, a day that shall live in infamy, with Coke(tm) Lobotomy Lube(R) in a Facebook-cloned social media campaign called “Remember Red Pearl Necklaces!”
“I scream, you scream, we all es cream for Tiger Woods’ Woodie Juice,” gushed Shrine Maidens Perky Oppai and Shirigaru Onna, who then whined gutturally in their best moe voices, “Onii-chan (older brother) please touch me nau \{>v<};/<< orz<3 >> EOT.”
Dancing ST-HO @TandyChews BIMHO commented “Once Otaku, Never Bakufu” channeling Chushingura, the epic tale of futile revenge in a blaze of glory ending in ritual group suicide in Nippon.
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In other news, Sexy Girls in the Crowd Go Wild.
2009’s kanji 新 (shin) or “new” + Hatoyama’s 絆 (kizuna) or “relationship” =「新絆」or “new relationships” as in Tiger Woods.
The easiest jokes to write about Japan revolve around the stereotypical inability of Japanese people to pronounce “L” and “R” – they both come out as “soft palette” “R’s” leading to silly jokes about “elections” and “erections” as shown above.
Much of my humor just pops into my head as I write – my muses have a wacky sense of humor. As the turmoil in Iran continued today, Twitter icons turning green, the debate over what a “free election” really was provided the spark for yet another “LR” joke.
Japanese media has been fanning the flames of panic in its breathless, melodramatic, musically-enhanced coverage of the “battle at the borders” against H1H1 Novel Influenza.
Since the first cases of H1N1 infections were detected in Japan, however, the number of people confirmed with H1N1 infection has skyrocketed, shattering the media-perpetuated myth that “it’s an overseas disease” and that somehow the disease could be “stopped at Japan’s borders.”
So, naturally, the administration of Prime Minister Taro “Dick” Aso launched an “important” public service announcement trying to calm the populace down.
Contradicting itself repeatedly, the PSAs basically tell the public, “the sky is falling!” but “don’t panic!”
* Don’t relax your guard against infection! If treated early, there’s nothing to fear!
* Don’t worry! Your government has stockpiled Tamiflu for 38 million people!
* If you become symptomatic with high fever and coughs, don’t go to a hospital! Call the H1N1 Fever Hotline in your neighborhood first!
Let’s hope that those suffering from ostracism, the “blame game” (and H1N1 influenza) recover quickly.
Let’s be angry at cynical TV networks that will clearly do anything, including inducing a panic, to increase their pitiful ratings. Bastards.
Let’s laugh at stupid politicians who try to “look presidential” but end up looking dorky and making things worse.
For those with a sense of humor, here’s a link to the PSA, with English subtitles added for better comprehension.
