-
Recent Posts
-
Top Posts
- Hiroko Tabuchi Wins Pulitzer Prize
- Sea Shepherd Pie
- Japanese Whales to Ignore Ban on Human Trade
- US Loses Patience with Japan Over Military Base
- Full Unemployment
- 59 Ways to Tell if You're a Gaijin
- Another 59 Ways to Tell if You're a Gaijin
- EXCLUSIVE: Proof that Japanese Eat Dolphins
- About
- 59 Ways to Tell if You’re a Gaijin, not a Gaikokujin
Archives
-
Blog Stats
- 16,344 hits
Category Archives: Uncategorized
WINDERMERE, Fla. — Orange County firefighters responded to a medical call at the residence of Tiger Woods on Tuesday morning.
The call was received at 2:36 a.m.
Aerial photography shows what appears to be a gigantic white arrow stuck in Tiger Woods’ $2.6 million house.
Orange County Fire officials were unable to disclose further information about the incident except to say, “Dang, that’s a big arrow.”
Last week, Woods issued a statement saying he had let his family down with unspecified “transgressions with Japanese animated characters” that he regrets with “all of my heart.” He did not elaborate.
# # #
In other news, @invisiblegaijin has entered the Noriko Sakai Center for the Treatment of Self-Retweeting Addiction.
Fashionable young men in Tokyo are bleaching their hair to match their fur collars this season.
“Man-Skirts? That’s so last month,” scoffed Boi Parasaito, “real men wear their hair to match the fur collar on their jackets. Unless they’re @tamegoeswild, in which case they wear Man-Tights.”
When asked for comment about Man-Tights, @tamegoeswild twittered, “They make you look like this http://bit.ly/8Mi0ht , which is unfortunate, but they’re worth it because they make you all warm and secure.”
# # #
In other news, @invisiblegaijin had to cut this post short because @doramimy tweeted she was hungry. Such a modern couple.
Japan’s National Police Agency announced a crackdown on so-called “medical” stone spas citing violation of the Stone Control Act.
“Possession and use of stones for anything but licensed and regulated stone gardens is illegal,” NPA spokesman Omaru Omawari droned, “While it’s technically legal to possess pebbles as a hobby, the moment you put them in the ground, that is cultivation.” “There are no known medical uses for stones,” said Dr. Aff Quack, chief of oriental medicine at Tokyo Medical University, “except for arranging them in absurdist patterns in zen gardens.” Honnie’s Himusho, leading no-talent talento agency, pledged it would screen all of its entertainers for use of illegal stones and stone residue. “If I catch any of our boy groups with stones, I will make them strip and spank each other,” said aging founder Honnie, “or was that what we do for auditions?” # # # In other news, the little girl who sang the “Ponyo, Ponyo, Ponyo” song announced her engagement to the little boy best known as Kodomo Tencho amid swirling rumors of yet another “dekichatta kekkon.”
Japan’s First Lady Miyuki Hatoyama was named one of nine “Best Jeans-ist 2009″ awardees in yet another made-for-TV-news awards show.
“Let me be clear: I’m surprised and humbled by this award,” said Miyuki Hatoyama, “To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who’ve been honored by this prize, including has-beens like Koda Kumi; resurrected-from-the-dead-and-no-longer-teen-pop-idols, SPEED; and famous-because-he’s-the-grandson-of-a-former-prime-minister, Daigo.”
# # #
In other news, Microsoft Corporation denied rumors that it was recruiting Tokyo 2.0 Night attendees to line up for the cameras at Wednesday’s made-for-TV-news “midnight launch” of Windows 7. “Hey, c’mon, Andrew, Paul, and those guys all use Mac OS,” said Microsoft Japan spokesperson, Aoi Sukurinuobudesu.
