Millions of oni demons were ousted from their homes by magic soybeans today as humans invoked mame-maki rituals to celebrate the spring Setsubun across Japan.
“Demons out, good fortune in!” shouted Japanese prime minister Yukio “Bird” Hatoyama, “DPJ in, LDP out. You’re just jealous my mommy gives me a humongous allowance as political donations! Ha-ha!”
“You lie! My mommy gives me a bigger allowance than yours!” snapped LDP leader Sadakazu “Someone give me a nickname, please” Tanigaki, “Your mother has a protruding belly button!”
“I don’t believe that non-humans should be allowed to vote,” said former prime minister Taro “Dick” Aso, “once a gaijin, always a soy bean, I always say. Can I read my manga now, mommy?”
“Today, it’s magic beans used against demons. What’s next?” demanded Kowaizo Onioppai, spokesperson for the Japan Federation of Red and Blue Demons, “Predator drones firing salt-tipped cruise missiles at ghosts haunting your keitai cellphone?”
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In other news, Yokozuna Asashoryu testified, “I wasn’t drunk. I was practicing throwing Setsubun soy beans when one hit my ex-manager in the face, breaking his nose. So sorry, neh?”
2 Comments
Hope it worked and all the political oni’s were driven out?
– mommy
Thanks, mom!
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