Photos: Agencé Furyo_Gaijin
Gaijinkirai Kamo, the Japanese national accused of murdering a young British woman was arrested today after a nationwide manhunt, following the release of photographs taken before and after his extensive plastic surgeries.
National Police Agency spokesperson Omaru Omawari whined, “We’re just relieved we’ve caught this fugitive especially since we let him slip between our fingers in the first place. We also failed to anticipate just how far this dastardly criminal would go to change his appearance. I mean now he looks just like Taylor Swift, how were we supposed to know?”
Noriko Sakai, who was convicted on Monday of neglecting to throw away drug residue, acting way-too-cute-way-too-past-the-expiration-date, and marrying a self-proclaimed pro surfer, commented, “I plan to get a divorce, study care-giving, and then in three year pose nude to re-start my career when my suspended sentence is up. I’ll be baaack.”
When asked for comment, Perky Oppai, young Japanese woman on the street, said, “Wow, where did he get his bihaku treatment, I want to look like that! Kawaii!”
The unidentified caller who called the police was to receive a JPY 10 million reward but was stoned to death by neighbors, colleagues, and family members who became jealous and resentful of his windfall.
# # #
In other news, the Michael Jackson tribute movie, “This is it!” failed miserably at the box office when the movie title was translated into Japanese as, “This is Shit!”
